Order Inc.

I want to shoot latinos in Spain and Latin America.

I want to shoot the Chinese in China.

I want to shoot arabs in Middle East.

I don’t want to shoot penguins in Antarctica, because, seriously? Penguins?

Now, calm down, I’m a racist-game hunter-tourist. No, this concerns games. 

“But why, why would you want to shoot racial minorities?” asks the non-existent audience.

Well, they’re not minorities in the places I’ve mentioned. I could even go as far as to say that those people are the majorities. And in games set in differend geographical locations I want to shoot people that live there.

Like it was said in Full Metal Jacket: I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture… and kill them.

But why do I need to express this unfathomable desire?

Because bleeding heart idiots are scaring game makers into making racialy diverse armies of baddies. You can see that in Far Cry 2 or even something as crappy as Phantom Ops. The first one takes place in Democratic Republic of Fake while the other one is set in Somalia. So why at least one out of three guys I shoot is white? What, are they tourists? New white settlers who had dreams of building a new future in Sandynavia? The reason to put white people where they don’t belong has to come from somewhere.

The craziest outcries of “RACISM” were the ones concerning Resident Evil, a longstanding series of games about shooting zombies and watching painfull interactions of silly characters. 

The makes of the game decided to set the 4th game (Resident Evil 4) in Maybe Spain. The zombies there have some of the latino flavour that you would expect zombified spaniards to have. And Resident Evil 5 is set in Africa, were you unsurprisingly get to shoot black zombies.

Here’s an example of the zanyness that ensues. 

I especially like that one because it calls Warcraft 3 racists. I think it might be referring to orcs…that are big, strong, green, aggressive and have a shamanistic culture. I think it likens them to black people, but you have to be, you know, racist to get the reference (it’s either this or undead being asian or something). 

What causes such reactions? Is it all the white guilt? Well, I don’t understand it. I don’t have any white guilt. Or are the games portraying those people in an unfavourable light? Well, anyone who plays Resident Evil 5 and starts thinking that black people have flower mouths and crave human flesh  a video game is already past redemption. 

Anyways, back on the track. How do you expect to be diverse without setting them in places other than the USA? I mean, they’re running the whole Manhattan thing to the ground now. Hell, it was about time Resident Evil got out of the Racoon City. 

Besides, does protesting shooting black people in games set in Africa not make the racial divide bigger? I mean, it like pointing a finger and shouting HEY THEY’RE DIFFERENT, LET’S TREAT THEM DIFFERENTLY.

But sure, let’s make at least a third of enemies in Far Cry 2 white. As if the cast of 8 possible main characters wasn’t Captain Planet-level inclusive. The only way to make the game more diverse would be to include a gay indian wheelchair bound gunman and a hippie lesbian with aspergers. 

You want diversity so much? Play Jagged Alliance 2. The amount of women in Arulco’s armed forces would impress Israel. There are black people too. Maybe even asian. And, judging by some of their actions, some r-worded people are there too. Wheeeee!

And why is it more acceptable to shoot white people? Because oooh, they’re slavers and colonists? Because every last one of them is a descendant of an evil slaver who went to bed with rape on his thoughs and a twelve year old african girl that only wanted to live one with nature between his legs? 

Nazis, you say, they were evil! Well, no. It can be argued that Wehrmacht was an army just like any other (except for snazzier uniforms). SS might be another thing.

Communists? Well, the USSR was really big on conscription. So you’re not defending peace, liberty, blowjobs and capitalism from dirty Ivan; you’re probably shooting a guy whose country was occupied half-a-century ago and who only wants to finish his tour of duty without getting killed.

So unless you’re willing to stand up for Hans the Panzergrenadier, shut up, and let me shoot black insurgents in Fakebongo.